The Agreement to be More Welcoming to Non-White-Male Gamers
I've been thinking about this since news of Ms. Price who felt sexually harassed by Frank Mentzer and twittered about it. Since reading the 50-odd page thread on rpg.net about Mentzer, then about Bill Webb, and about Paizo's NDA and other stories. I've been thinking about this since rereading the story about the Canadian Game Store case where a woman was sexually harassed in the store. I've been thinking about this since remembering and reviewing things I've seen around the RPG community. I've been thinking about this since the #metoo social media campaign.
I've had three marriages in my 50odd years, and roughly six other serious relationships - as an adult. All nine of those women had stories of sexual harassment and assault. Watching post after post on social media roll by the past week, and the comment after comment that told the same story. It was fucking awful and just... yea. As someone that has daughters and granddaughters... it makes me sick.
So.
This post is about what I'm going to do at my game table. Whether it is at a convention, game store, my own home, at the library - wherever I pick up dice as a DM or player.
1. I am going to make sure that there is a welcoming environment for women/women-identified/POC/trans. I'm going to remember to be a decent fucking human being. I'm not going to tell jokes that I think would make them uncomfortable. If I do slip up, I'm going to apologize. I'm not going to generate situations, either sexual or racial, just to rile up the table, to "make a joke" or make a point or be creepy or any other reason.
2. If I see behavior at the table that is making someone else uncomfortable, or is harassing them, or someone informs me of same, I'm going to call it out. If the player won't stop it, and/or the Game Referee continues to permit it, I'm going to leave the game. If I'm the Game Referee, I'm going to issue one (1) warning, then ask the person to leave. In either case, if I have to get event staff involved, I will.
3. If I witness physical, non-consensual behavior at my table, I will call it out and talk to the DM. That person needs to be ejected from the table. If we're at an event, I will get event staff involved.
4. If someone comes to me believing that they've been harassed, I will listen, I will believe that they feel harassed. I will help them in the way that they wish, whether it's from "I just need to talk, I'm not ready to do anything else" on up to "I need someone to be with me when I go and do something about it."
These are not hard fucking things to agree to. These are basic, decent, human-like behaviors.
So if you like to feel up "the girlies", or make your character into creepy, rapey types, or you like to "push the edge, what's the problem, it's just a joke" or you think it's OK to make the people of color feel unwelcome by treating them like shit -- fair warning. I've agreed not to put up with YOUR shit and I will call it out, I will do something about it.
That's my agreement. What will you agree to?
PS. Just a fair warning. This post is about what will I (and hopefully you) agree to do to make your game more welcoming to everyone else. This isn't about whether Frankie is or isn't a creepy guy. This isn't about "SJW" bashing or #notallmen or whatever other shit you want to grind your axe about. There are plenty of other places to go have THOSE discussions.
This is my house. I will clean it of comments that go down the roads I just said we're not going. If you're gonna cry about free speech, here's a primer on what "free speech" really is. pub
I've had three marriages in my 50odd years, and roughly six other serious relationships - as an adult. All nine of those women had stories of sexual harassment and assault. Watching post after post on social media roll by the past week, and the comment after comment that told the same story. It was fucking awful and just... yea. As someone that has daughters and granddaughters... it makes me sick.
So.
This post is about what I'm going to do at my game table. Whether it is at a convention, game store, my own home, at the library - wherever I pick up dice as a DM or player.
1. I am going to make sure that there is a welcoming environment for women/women-identified/POC/trans. I'm going to remember to be a decent fucking human being. I'm not going to tell jokes that I think would make them uncomfortable. If I do slip up, I'm going to apologize. I'm not going to generate situations, either sexual or racial, just to rile up the table, to "make a joke" or make a point or be creepy or any other reason.
2. If I see behavior at the table that is making someone else uncomfortable, or is harassing them, or someone informs me of same, I'm going to call it out. If the player won't stop it, and/or the Game Referee continues to permit it, I'm going to leave the game. If I'm the Game Referee, I'm going to issue one (1) warning, then ask the person to leave. In either case, if I have to get event staff involved, I will.
3. If I witness physical, non-consensual behavior at my table, I will call it out and talk to the DM. That person needs to be ejected from the table. If we're at an event, I will get event staff involved.
4. If someone comes to me believing that they've been harassed, I will listen, I will believe that they feel harassed. I will help them in the way that they wish, whether it's from "I just need to talk, I'm not ready to do anything else" on up to "I need someone to be with me when I go and do something about it."
These are not hard fucking things to agree to. These are basic, decent, human-like behaviors.
So if you like to feel up "the girlies", or make your character into creepy, rapey types, or you like to "push the edge, what's the problem, it's just a joke" or you think it's OK to make the people of color feel unwelcome by treating them like shit -- fair warning. I've agreed not to put up with YOUR shit and I will call it out, I will do something about it.
That's my agreement. What will you agree to?
PS. Just a fair warning. This post is about what will I (and hopefully you) agree to do to make your game more welcoming to everyone else. This isn't about whether Frankie is or isn't a creepy guy. This isn't about "SJW" bashing or #notallmen or whatever other shit you want to grind your axe about. There are plenty of other places to go have THOSE discussions.
This is my house. I will clean it of comments that go down the roads I just said we're not going. If you're gonna cry about free speech, here's a primer on what "free speech" really is. pub
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